Long, happy marriages have these important traits

Landmark study pinpoints what makes a good relationship

Whether you’re finding a potential partner by swiping right on an app, or thumbing through stacks of biodata a la Netflix’s “Indian Matchmaking,” there may be some wisdom for you in the researchers’ findings.

Around the world, marriage plays an important role in bolstering social stability

Marriage was around in one form or another long before written history. From bonds between two people to large polyamorous gatherings of spouses, the rich history of marriage practices demonstrates that partnerships have been, and will likely continue to be, incredibly diverse.

Love is a more recent part of marriage

Love matches are incredibly late to the marriage game. For most of our history, marriage has been about alliance, wealth, property, power, and, as an occasional afterthought, the couple liking each other. All that changed when Enlightenment thinkers were inspired in their pursuit of personal happiness, including in their choice of mate.

Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling are very likely to lead to relationships failing

The Gottmans, both psychologists and long-time relationship counselors with dozens of books and articles between them, are renowned for their approach to fostering healthy relationships. This video outlines negative relational attitudes—what the Gottmans call “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”—that are correlated with relationship failure, and how to avoid them.

A licensed therapist shares advice for kindly addressing feelings of irritation in your relationship

All couples are bound to annoy each other, and it's often not caused by ill will. Reflecting on how and when to express pet peeves is important for ultimately building a connection and helping partners not feel attacked. While differences may not always be fully resolved, it can be helpful to discuss paths forward toward a compromise.

Social scientists hold various beliefs about the role of marriage in our lives

Functionalists believe that marriage fulfills specific needs, while conflict theory highlights inherent power struggles within a couple’s relationship.

Marriage as a concept is believed to be at least 4,300 years old

In the past, formal marriage spread because it was a great way to accumulate property and allies. Now, some couples want love and healthy companionship. Marriage has undergone many transformations, from the inclusion of consent, thanks to religious leaders, to sanctification by the state.

Jobs that marry each other the most

Out of all married physicians, roughly one in five is married to another physician. The trend extends beyond the medical field. Some professionals are more likely to marry one another than others. Find out which jobs most often pair together among married couples with this interactive tool based on estimates from the American Community Survey. Click here to type in your profession and see your most likely match.

Visualizing where happiness comes from

Researchers asked 10,000 participants to list 10 things that recently made them happy. One author broke down the responses into subject-verb-object categories, isolating the people and events that made responders satisfied. The result highlights how simple things like having dinner or watching a movie made someone happy. Dive in and look for some ideas or tips on feeling happy today with this fascinating visualization.

Four psychological tools for a happier, calmer life

The perennial debate on how to be happy involves various aspects of life, and one of the most essential is our psychological attitudes toward experiences. This piece lists and explains four basic tools to strengthen your "psychological immune...

Marriages are more at risk when the woman is sick

A study tracking 25,000 copies over 18 years revealed marriages tend to end in divorce more often when the woman is sick. Conversely, men's health issues do not impact divorce rates. Researchers noted that increased depression, potentially as a result of financial dependence, contributes to the disparity. Generally, most marriages do not end when a spouse becomes sick.

Helping support others in older age linked to longer life

Analysis of findings from a long-term study of older couples first interviewed in 1987 and then followed for the next five years found that individuals who lend support to friends, neighbors, and relatives live longer. Non-helpers were more than twice as likely to die as helpers during the five-year period. That's even after controlling for factors including age, gender, and physical and mental health.

Marriage is experiencing a general decline

Marriage has taken drastically different forms than in the past. The transformation of marriage from a form of economic dependency for women to an equal partnership has forged demographic shifts. Richard Reeves, author of "Of Boys and Men," explains how economic and educational factors have potentially destabilized partnerships and changed patterns of “marriageability” for middle- and lower-class men.

Should married couples combine finances?

Millennials who live together are more likely to keep their finances separate than any previous generation. After all, as people get married later in life and enter marriage with more assets and financial independence, some argue that the traditional route is risky. But others point to research that suggests couples who combine their finances are still happier than those who don't. To learn more, watch this video.

Each state has its own regulations regarding marriage

Some states don’t even require a ceremony or license, opting to allow “common law” marriages. Prenuptial agreements and other legal matters will likely require an attorney’s help. And marriages can offer benefits, like tax breaks.

How to form lasting, healthier habits

James Clear's "Atomic Habits" is a bestselling book about making small, realistic changes to create healthier habits. This brief piece breaks down three key lessons from the book as well as four simple steps toward adopting its approach.

Eight ways literature can make us happier

Novels are often characterized as a form of cultural escape, but psychologists argue there are health benefits to the many elements comprising fiction. The Greek philosopher Aristotle explored this in his "Poetics," asking if literature was something meant to make us happier. This article highlights eight different innovations common to literature that provide psychological benefits, including the plot twist and more.

Couples therapy has seen a massive boom in recent years

70% of therapists offer couples counseling. Experts predict continuous growth in the field. With so many marriages ending in divorce, more couples are recognizing the potential for therapy to get them back on track. And parents are starting to see the impacts of divorce on their children and their own mental health.

The eight habits that could add up to 24 years to your life

A study presented at the American Society for Nutrition's annual meeting revealed that adopting eight healthy lifestyle habits in middle age can significantly increase life expectancy. The habits include being physically active, avoiding opioid...

Explore an interactive map showing what makes people happy.

Using 10,000 responses collected from people around the world about what makes them happy, this map offers insights into how relationships, finances, purpose, and small treats all contribute to a person's contentment. Recent data suggests that young people today are less happy than those in previous generations, indicating a need to reflect on what really matters in life.

The traits that make a strong and resilient leader

Developing psychological flexibility, or an ability to adapt during change and stressful situations, can help leaders manage pressure while maintaining their wellbeing. A leader who can embrace discomfort and navigate hard times can earn greater respect, increase team satisfaction, manage distress effectively, and stay focused on priorities. Read this article for a further understanding on how to develop and sharpen this skill.

Marriage is a legally and socially sanctioned union

Marriage's definition may seem simple—a union of two or more people who join their lives together in a culturally appropriate fashion. However, elaborate customs and diverse expectations dictate the roles spouses will play for one another. Across different regions and periods, marriages have taken a great number of forms.

How couples today manage their finances

In relationships, shared bank accounts used to be the default. Not anymore. Many couples maintain separate finances for practical reasons or to retain greater independence, though many couples experience trust issues as a result. This article checks in on the status of relationship finances and highlights, among other insights, how attitudes toward money are often determined by family history.

Two 100-year-old sisters share their tips for staying mentally sharp

Shirley Hodes, 106, and her sister Ruth Sweedler, 103, don’t routinely do crossword puzzles, but both have stayed sharp as they aged. Though they live states apart, they share similar advice for maintaining mental acuity. They sum up their strategies for cognitive health with four verbs: work, connect, learn, and appreciate. Read this article to learn more about their approach to staying 100-plus years young.

Divorces in the US have been steadily declining over the past few decades

Despite these recent declines, divorce rates in the US remain between 40% and 50%. But there’s some nuance to those numbers. For instance, having a college degree makes individuals 30% less likely to divorce than those without one. People who attend church are also less likely to divorce. And prenuptial agreements are considerably likely to prevent contentious court battles.

'The Father of Positive Psychology' gives tips on building resilience

People differ in how they respond to setbacks. Famed psychologist Martin Seligman outlines three key pillars for resilience: developing mental toughness by interpreting failures as external and temporary, recognizing and using one’s signature strengths, and cultivating strong relationships that offer support and meaning.

40% of Americans polled by Pew Research Center felt pessimistic about marriage

Black and Asian respondents reported more pessimism about marriage than white or Hispanic respondents. Over half of Republicans feel negatively about the future of marriage, while only 25% of Democrats felt the same.

Ancient Chinese marriages began with an elaborate marriage proposal and acceptance between families

The chief objectives of early Chinese marriages involved joining and enhancing the two families and ensuring succession with numerous descendants. Chinese couples still compare astrological signs, although some of the more elaborate rituals of betrothal gifts and sleeping in the “cock loft” are far less common.

Marriage rates are declining, especially in the richest countries

89% of the world’s population now live in countries with falling rates. Increasing costs of living, the financial burden of starting a family, and the rise of secularism are some of the key factors reducing marriage rates among the less affluent.

Anthropologists have found that, across the globe, nearly every culture embraces marriage customs

Despite these commonalities, different cultures have distinct customs, such as the number of people who can be married at one time, the types of marriage partners allowed, and whether elaborate ceremonies are observed. Families can range from the smaller nuclear unit to extensive multi-generation families and households.

Who provides therapy is more important than what method they practice

What makes therapy work well is the connection that patients feel with their therapist, and the trust in that relationship. Some research suggests that while the therapeutic model—say cognitive behavior therapy or psychodynamic therapy—accounts for roughly 15% of outcomes, the therapeutic relationship with the therapist accounts for more than 30%.

The formula behind super agers—those possessing health and cognitive skills of people decades younger

A study of about 1,400 super agers did not identify any underlying genetic mechanism for longevity. While researchers instead emphasized that sustainable habits involving positive social connections, sleep, mood, diet, exercise, and personal fulfillment help reduce long-term risks, there is no one-size-fits-all formula for everyone.

Peek into the love lives of thousands of strangers whom Stanford University researchers have been tracking since 2017 on this interactive page.

A guide to the romance genre's major tropes

This guide breaks down romance's most prominent tropes, or narrative patterns, used by romance writers and adored by their fans. After you learn about "friends to lovers," "marriage of convenience," and "forced proximity," you'll start to see your favorite romance reads in an entirely new light.

SpongeBob exemplifies Aristotle's philosophy for living well

In today's society, SpongeBob's life as a single man, line cook, and town fool may not seem appealing. But SpongeBob is perhaps the happiest creature in Bikini Bottom, because he understands that happiness doesn't come from external factors like money, recognition, or power.

Ranking life's biggest decisions

Psychological research presents some unsurprising wisdom about how to make big decisions without regret: focus on people, don’t miss opportunities, and stay true to yourself.

Why art history is filled with miserable brides

Paintings from the 19th century are filled with unhappy brides. The women are often visibly disturbed by their pending nuptials, sometimes even during the wedding ceremony. This Artnet article unpacks four famous examples of this trend, analyzing how and why the respective artists portrayed these disappointed figures.

Consistency and emotional engagement can improve the formation of memories

While sleep lets the brain re-trigger neurons associated with our experiences to cement them in long-term memory, repeating actions, like storing one's keys in the same location, can mimic these benefits. Emotionally charged memories are often ruminated upon, improving their future recall.

Hear from a couple about how they live their lives with MS—and how they met

This short narrative video describes the ups and downs of a woman's experience with progressive MS, and her husband's experience supporting her while navigating his own relapsing-remitting MS.

Eliminating distractions is essential to improving one's attention span

Setting a baseline, removing distractions, establishing focus rituals, taking breaks, and finding purpose in your task are five science-backed practices that can help address a short attention span. Bestselling author Daniel Pink breaks down how to approach each part of the plan and introduce these habits to your life today.

Experts suggest memorable toasts tell stories

According to Riaz Meghji, a Canadian media personality, unsuccessful toasts are riddled with inside jokes and stock phrases. Great toasts, he says, tell an emotional story that commemorates the occasion.

How to bridge political divides

Can people who believe in opposing ultimate views of the world really live in peace together? That's a core requirement of individuals living in pluralistic societies. Law professor Samar Ali and public affairs strategist Clint Brewer don't agree on much, but they're great friends. In this TED Talk, the two share why political polarization in the US isn’t as intractable as we might think. Learn some tips for getting along in the free world here.

How endurance athletes can build resilience

Long-distance runners and other endurance athletes can improve their performances using tips explored in this article. Findings from two recent studies show that strength training, high-altitude training, and intense interval sessions are all potential methods for ameliorating long-term athletic capabilities.

AI chatbot use among quarreling couples can aggravate tensions

Chatbots can become a sounding board for venting spouses looking to analyze their relationship and find support for their views. Many couples report the negative influence of chatbots like ChatGPT, with some claiming the tools led to divorce.

How to find happiness at work

Can someone be happy at work? Harvard Business School professor and co-author (with Oprah Winfrey) of “Build the Life You Want” attempts to answer the enduring question in this video. Brooks strays from measuring one’s power, income, or title and instead emphasizes the importance of believing in one’s work and positively impacting others.

A psychiatrist warns that chasing happiness can lead to misery

Rafa Euba, a retired consultant psychiatrist, argues that happiness is a vague and abstract concept that is hard to quantify. He suggests accepting that suffering and pain are a normal part of life. An attainable goal for one's life is to attempt to minimize pain, and pursue balance and contentment rather than a false ideal of permanent bliss.

The positives of feeling stressed

Worrying about past events and upcoming challenges is not a pleasant experience, but a reasonable amount of stress can bring a lot of good into our lives. In this episode of "The Happiness Lab" with Dr. Laurie Santos, two psychology experts offer tips for resetting one's relationship with stress. Listen and learn how to make stress a positive tool rather than a debilitating emotion.

A third of US couples have opted for a 'sleep divorce'

A 2023 survey of roughly 2,000 US adults showed roughly a third of the participants opted to stay in a different room from their partner at night. Reasons for the so-called "sleep divorce" varied, from snoring issues to offset schedules. The survey, run by the American Academy for Sleep Medicine, also revealed the most sleep divorces within millennials. See the study for more on this change in sleep habits.

How big brands keep your loyalty

We perceive ourselves as rational decision-makers—but research about our consumption habits suggest we are easily played by clever marketing. Here's how big brands design their branding to keep you coming back.

Run your numbers in this marriage tax calculator

When it comes to federal income taxes, not every couple benefits from getting married. This calculator lets you see how much two specific people might pay if they were to get married based on their individual income levels and more. Specifically, the calculator compares the taxes a married couple would pay if they filed a joint return with what they would pay if they were unmarried and each filed as single.